Nothing is clear today.
Smoke covers the view out my window of my dear beautiful Redding. She is all still there today, just as she was yesterday, thank God. However, I cannot today take her for granted as I did yesterday.
Looking out these windows reminds me of the day we moved into this apartment. The mountains and the hills brimmed with hope and the train that passed through them stilled me into the present. I existed at that moment to take in the beauty that I could call my own that day.
One of my favorite stories plays in my heart this morning and though you might have heard me tell it before, I’d like to tell it again if you don’t mind. I won’t bother looking it up as I would like to tell it as I remember it and for that reason, I am sure I will get some details wrong.
I guess I believe stories were meant to be told that way. Not perfectly but from the deeper places within us. The places that hold our deepest fears and deepest hopes. They color these stories a little differently each time and that is the true joy of it after all.
A true story told by Mother Theresa and now told by me.
There once was a man with a very important decision to make. It was without a doubt the most important decision of his life. This decision would forever determine the course in which his life would take. He was at a fork in the road and the stakes were high as the two options would lead him down two dramatically different paths.
The man was no fool and knew he should take wise counsel to make this decision. Knowing this, he suited up and began a very long journey to meet with Mother Theresa. He planned to ask her to pray into what decision he should make.
When he finally came to meet her, he told her all about the decision and how it would dramatically shape the course of his life. It was crucial, he expressed, that he did not make the wrong decision.
“Mother Theresa, I have never needed clarity more than I do right now. Will you please pray and ask God for direction for which path I should take?”
To which Mother Theresa responded, “I absolutely will not.”
Stunned, the man replied, “But Mother, you must understand, the decision not only affects me but so many others. Many lives lay in the balance of this decision. I must have clarity not only for my sake but also for theirs.”
Mother Theresa laughed, “You do not need clarity. Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of.”
Pushing further the man replied, “But Mother, how do you do it? With all of the decisions that you have to make for all of these people day in and day out, how can you be sure you are making the right choice? Please, teach me.”
To which Mother Theresa responded, “My son, I have never in all my years had clarity. What I have is trust. I will pray that you will have trust.”
Nothing is clear today.
Maybe some things will be clearer tomorrow, I’m not sure.
One thing I know is that I love.
And so while the smoke rests over my beautiful Redding, I will love and I will write.
I will hope for more beautiful tomorrows that make our hearts feel a little safer,
but I will not forget our beautiful todays.
These todays are all we ever really hold and I want to hold them well.
I want to told them with tender love, soft surrender, and trust.
I will hold them continuing to believe the world, in all of its chaos,
does indeed unfold for us.
