I have this fun party trick recently where I tell my Christian friends I downloaded tinder. It usually elicits some laughs, some genuine concern, and then a really good conversation.
I have the greatest friends on the planet and I have come to deeply appreciate the way they care and the avid prayer life they tell me they’ve developed on account of my various escapades. So after they establish their concern for me to be safe, they’ll usually ask questions like, “What if you meet someone who doesn’t love the Lord?” “Do you really want your story to be you met your husband on tinder?“ Or “just be careful because there are a lot of guys out there with bad intentions.”
These are all the same questions and hesitations among many more that ran through my mind before going on my first tinder date. And as much as I would like to tell you that I went ahead with it because I came to some really great conclusions on the matter, the truth is I just wanted to go on a freaking date.
And I was tired.
I was tired of looking for a husband. I was tired of men over analyzing if I was their wife before taking a step to get to know me. I was tired of seeing people through the lens of "potential life partner" rather than simply fun and interesting human beings worth getting to know.
Christian culture worships marriage and truthfully you could probably catch me at the forefront of that altar any day.
We have become intellectual experts on marriage yet paralyzed from the neck down at taking any risks to get to know someone on a deeper level.
To say this experience of casual dating has been a breath of fresh air would be an understatement. I have learned so much about myself and men. I am genuinely enjoying my time with people rather than stressing about where things are going or whether they check all my boxes. Plus I had no idea how much I needed one on one male attention. And also how much I unabashedly LOVE it.
It has been so much fun and I know this may sound crazy, but it turns out that most men are actually safe and respectful and good (yes even non-christian ones!). And you’ll come across a bad apple or two but here’s the other crazy thing, we women are smart, discerning, and we KNOW when something feels off.
It also helps if you can look them in the eye and tell them you know jujitsu and pulling anything funny will most likely not end well for them. I tried that once and he offered to let me talk to his mom. She told me I should probably reconsider dating him since he spent most of the past week on her couch, not to mention his cereal bowl is still laying on the counter.
Jokes aside, it is truly amazing to me the kind of magic that you can uncover when you give someone enough space to be themselves. The kind of laughter that comes from a place where people feel space to be weird, honest, and authentic. And the way you begin to fall in love with life when you start to realize that not everything is out to get you.
We are humans. We need love and we need to give it. And though we’ve been told otherwise, it’s keeping it all safe and cooped up that kills us.
