I wonder sometimes if life is not a perpetual wondering if you’re lost, if you somehow took a misstep and ended up in a place without meaning.
I often find myself reaching out into what feels like void trying to touch something of substance. I believe that it’s there, most of the time, except when I’m scared.
Fear will make a fool of us all eventually. Like a drug that sweeps your memory and convinces you you are but an accident of matter in the bottomless pit of eternity.
This is why we need beauty, art and country. This is why we need “I love yous” and simplicity. I don’t know what it is about the air that moves through the trees but it always has a way of reminding you that you are safe and that this process, though bizarre and painful, is full of truth and meaning.
I find peace in the willows, in the places that I sit with my sadness. I wonder sometimes why I can’t write a blog post for once that is just plain happy. But I think it’s because happiness devoid of the shadows is not the kind that can be trusted or believed. The promise of morning only glistens for those who have weeped.
I only know wonder because I have distrusted the lure of the sirens with their low hum of oblivion. I use my pen and paper to remind myself and also others. Yes there is more. And yes it does glisten like golden sunset does at the day’s end.
These familiar moments are set up for us. They always catch us off handedly because they are supposed to. They wink at us as if to say, “remember that stuff that swirled in your head as a kid? The suspicion that life is a big beautiful magical adventure? Yes, well, what if it’s all still true?” These moments then collapse back into the stars in the twinkle of an eye. And you are left to deal with the aftermath. Will you keep on believing? Or will trade your wonder to a world that’s run dry?
I hope you find the things that make your heart glisten. And when you do I hope you remember them. Because these will be the things and the moments that you hold on to at the end of your life. When the realization hits you, that this life has truly been one hell of a ride.
Also can I tell you a secret? These little writings, short poems, and blogs, they are not at all for you. They are the keeping of a vow I’ve made with an older gray haired lady that I love very much. She made me promise that I would not waste any years waiting to do the things that I love.
