The past few weeks I have found myself spinning with more ideas, curiosities and fascinations than I know what to do with. Just the other day I began the 756th note on my phone to fill it with another idea that would probably never see the light of day. As I began typing my newest theory on my most recent interest I heard the following words in my heart announcing it was time to start again,
“it’s time for a new blog.” In high school I began blogging secretly. I told no one except for eventually my best friend and later on my grandma. The anonymity was liberating. It was like the only place I could be truly myself. It was mostly a spiritual blog, but my curiosity and desire to push the boundaries of the way we think and know God always left me feeling like I was just a bit too.. idk.. “edgy" I guess? for the Christian circles I was in. Fast forward to last year, I began a blog about my experience at BSSM. It was very honest and raw, not written to be understood, only to be truthful. I started opening it up for people to read, however keeping it intentionally ugly and visually boring. I didn’t want a lot of people reading it. Not even so much because I was afraid of what people would think, but more so because I was afraid I would start crafting it to please them and lose the real authenticity of it. And now here we are at, “it’s time for a new blog” I know what that means. It means coming fully this time. No hiding. Allowing myself the space to be all of the things that I both am and am afraid to be. A place for the hyper-spiritual me, the naive me, the profound me, the uncomfortable, the ignorant, the cryptic, the insightful, the stereotyped, the revelatory, the beautiful, the diverse, and the strange. All of these things and more I actually want to be. I want to be present. Not hiding behind the always eloquent or the perfectly said. I want the freedom to be wrong. To write poorly and to write greatly. I want the freedom to write. I’ve always had it, but today, today I take it.
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